


Emptio

by Himmelreich



Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 19:42:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1911387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Himmelreich/pseuds/Himmelreich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>A physical body has its perks and disadvantages. One of the latter is that it requires actual clothing, much to Kirei's chagrin.</i> [Alternatively titled "Team Goldy goes shopping", set post-series.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emptio

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meguri_aite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meguri_aite/gifts).



> *arrives one month late with Starbucks*  
> Super-late fic request from my dear deer [meguri_aite](http://archiveofourown.org/users/meguri_aite/profile), which turned out to be one of those cases where the rough draft is almost finished in the first try, and then stubbornly refuses to be shaped into something remotely completed for ages afterwards. I hope you enjoy the tardy result nonetheless!!  
> The initial prompt was "Team Goldy goes shopping", and the title is a prime example that everything sounds deeper in Latin.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I own neither the series nor the characters, this is a non-profit fanwork that now rightfully goes to my dear deer. I'm only familiar with Fate/Zero, so if anything in here is clashing with any other Fate/Installment X canon, please cut me some slack.

"Just about everything in here looks cheap."  
"I'm not sure what you think a Vatican priest like me gets as annual salary, but I suppose you're off by a few zeroes."  
"Are you trying to imply that I, King of Kings, am wrong about something?"  
"I'm merely trying to imply that you might overestimate my budget a bit, Gilgamesh", Kirei replied in a flat tone, trying to mask his growing exasperation as best as anyhow possible in order to not spark a new fight. While he had found out by now that he did in fact have an astonishingly large leeway when it came to verbal retaliation, the middle of the day in a high-class shopping mall was neither the time nor place to test out just how much his servant was willing to put up with in his current mood.  
Said servant made an irritated noise and turned back to randomly picking up and immediately discarding various jackets on display.  
"I had almost forgotten what a hassle a physical body is", he complained, already heading over to a different section of the shop, obviously expecting Kirei to follow him. Kirei complied with an audible sigh.

That was their problem in a nutshell, basically. The Tainted Grail had granted each of them a wish (or, at least had granted them _something_ \- Kirei was fairly certain that the situation he was in right now had never ever even in the deepest and darkest hidden corners of his subconscious been a wish of his), and now they had to get used to living with the results. In Gilgamesh's case, that meant having to deal with his returned physical body and the fact that save for his actual armour, he was no longer able to summon any form of clothing and appearance altering attributes as he wished. Not that this had seemed to bother him at all in the beginning - he probably wouldn't have minded parading around stark naked for some time longer, or going back to only slightly less revealing clothing habits of his actual first physical incarnation, but Kirei was intent on keeping the whole seemingly impossible fact of a servant acquiring a human body after a Holy War as secret as possible, and had managed to convince his companion in misfortune that at least some blending in with the general population might be wise in order to achieve that. As a temporary solution, Kirei had lent some of his clothes to his servant, but obviously Kirei's monochromatic and formal attire did not sit too well with a king's flashy and glamorous nature, a fact that Gilgamesh had complained about on multiple instances, until Kirei had finally suggested shopping for new clothes altogether.

He couldn't actually remember when he had last been in a normal clothing store like this - his uniforms were tailor-made and paid for by the church, and as someone that didn't have a life other than his duty, it was not as if he needed to buy additional outfits for any other events or activities outside his line of work. Adding to that, in no way could Kirei generally be described as a person that would consider window shopping and aimlessly strolling through malls a worthwhile and enjoyable pastime, and yet, here he was. At first, he had considered simply letting Gilgamesh head out on his own, after all knowledge of present day common sense came to servants automatically during the summoning and it was not as if he doubted the man's ability to make a purchase without, say, accidentally executing all of the shop's staff in the process. However, there was the issue of payment. After having explained to Gilgamesh that, no, Sumerian gold was no longer accepted in any part of the world as valid currency anymore, and starting to sell off valuable items of his treasury on the black market beforehand wasn't an option either for reasons of keeping the present day existence of the King of Babylon a secret, it was obvious that Kirei would have to pay for any expenses of his servant. He didn't really mind, given that he had little use for money for himself, after all, but this was also the problem - he didn't have any amount of actual cash at hand that would suffice for a shopping spree committed by a person that had absolutely no sense for economy and modesty. And that was why on this very day he had already spent a long two hours that felt like half an infinity tagging along as a human credit card to his servant, who unfortunately seemed to find something lacking with about every shop they had been in so far. It wasn't as if Kirei kept up with anything regarding fashion, but he wasn't quite sure what to make out of someone that considered snake skin pants and oversized jewellery everyday casual wear in the first place, and he really started to wonder if there was anything sold in regular stores that Gilgamesh would be satisfied with. At this point, he really had to thank the heavens that at least the other man's clothing size was standard. Latching on to the smallest bright sides was all he could do in his present dilemma.

"-don? Excuse me, Sir?"  
Kirei snapped from his self-pitying thoughts and realised that a petite shop assistant had apparently materialised out of nowhere right in front of him. Sneaking up on someone with honed fighting skills such as him was something almost no-one had ever managed to do, and the fact that now a (presumably) perfectly normal person could do this to him was proof enough of his current sorry state. Sometime after the third sappy and generic pop song on broadcast - that incidentally sounded exactly like its predecessors - his brain apparently had decided to filter out every sort of background noise to protect his sanity. (Whatever made shops even think that music like that was the ideal soundtrack for shopping? Did they hope the brain-numbing blandness would make people more free-spending? How did people like that woman even work with that sort of noise all day around without going completely insane? There was a reason Kirei preferred silence to every other sound, there really was.)  
"Yes?" he replied, gazing down at the girl who gave him a radiant smile in return, obviously unfazed by his lack of enthusiasm.  
"I was just wondering if I could assist you in any way", the woman chirped, "you seemed kind of lost."  
 _You have no idea_ , Kirei thought grimly.  
"I'm merely accompanying a friend", he offered instead, and the assistant followed his glance towards the only other customer currently in the shop, who was apparently in the process of determining whether the black jacket he had just tried on might look better in dark grey instead in front of one of the mirrors in front of the changing rooms.  
Kirei was almost entirely certain that the shop assistant must have been aware of that fact, after all they had entered the shop together and there was no-one else around, but for some reason she seemed to have decided that he was the more approachable person. It probably was his priest attire, and he couldn't really blame her, but at the same time he was sure her sense for potential lethal customers was horribly off.  
"I see", her reply came unsurprisingly much less energetic, "so I should rather help him, then."  
 _God speed you_ , Kirei mused as the woman hesitantly headed over to repeat her practiced line to Gilgamesh of all people.

"Did I really?" he promptly answered, giving the unfortunate shop assistant a half-amused half-threatening smile that would probably have driven any person not bound by profession to remain polite away in an instance.  
"W-well, I just- I mean, really-", she stammered, instinctively taking a step back and bringing up her hands in a defensive and apologetic gesture.  
"Is that so", Gilgamesh drawled and caught Kirei's glare over the assistant’s head.  
Kirei slowly shook his head, a silent plea to his servant to please not test out the mental strength of random shop employees in his favourite game of psychological warfare. To his great relief, Gilgamesh apparently was in a generous mood.  
"I was just meaning to ask, Kirei, since I can't seem to decide between these two items, I might just take both - what do you think?"  
"Whatever you want", Kirei replied, careful to keep his voice even, seeing the light at the end of this tunnel of shopping hell approaching faster than expected and keen not to let Gilgamesh know just how much he hoped for him to just buy _whatever_ if only to get this over with, because that might just inspire the other man to keep going only to spite him.  
"Splendid", Gilgamesh declared, and turned back to the shop assistant with a dazzling smile that obviously struck the woman with the most amazing mixture of enarmoured awe and absolute terror that Kirei had seen in a long time. "Do ring these up for me, then."  
"R-right away!", she yelped and made run for the checkout, having to turn back halfway to actually take with her the two jackets which she had left behind in her hasty retreat, careful avoiding any further eye contact with her scary set of customers and muttering apologies under her breath. Kirei was fairly sure she must have hidden beneath the counter or spontaneously disintegrated in some other way, as when he and Gilgamesh arrived at the desk shortly after, they only found a different assistant in her place who gave them a cautious look while packing the jackets into a bag, but he didn't intend to investigate the matter further and was grateful the process of payment could be handled in silence.  
"We hope you will come again soon", the assistant said with a final bow, the insincerity of her words clearly audible.  
"Do give my regards to your colleague", Gilgamesh added for good measure. Kirei was sure he heard a faint squeal, but it might just have been the awful music doing things to his brain again.

"Was that really necessary?"  
"You really do need to learn how to seek enjoyment even in mundane tasks, Kirei."  
Gilgamesh was obviously extremely satisfied with himself and this day's achievements.  
"And harassing shop employees equals enjoyment how exactly?"  
"I was hardly harassing anyone, it's their own fault for being this easily intimidated. You know yourself that only the strong succeed in this world. I wasn't doing anything that would warrant you being upset."  
"I am not upset", Kirei sighed, silently wondering how it happened that he had ended up carrying the other's purchase.  
"Hmmm." Kirei could almost feel the probing glance without even turning his head to his conversation partner as they walked out of the mall onto the street.  
"At least you both got to enjoy yourself and found some clothes of your own, so if anything, I'm satisfied with that", he said, knowing that Gilgamesh would not have stopped until he had some sort of reply for him.  
"That is something, I guess. And I suppose these", Gilgamesh pointed at the bag without making any attempt at actually taking it and carrying it himself, "are acceptable after all. I'm starting to believe that we can make this whole situation work out some way or the other. More than that, if today was any indication, I'm sure it might turn out to be enjoyable in its own right."  
This time, Kirei actually turned to face him, meeting his red eyes sparkling in prospect of all the future mischief he could cause, and replied with absolute honesty: "As long as I won't have to accompany to a shopping trip again anytime soon, it just might."  
Gilgamesh blinked before bursting into a deep laugh.  
"Unless you want to, sure, I will spare you that."  
"That is too kind of you", Kirei replied, pretty sure that there would never be an instance he actually would want to, but this was as much of a promise and accommodation as he would get.  
"Let's head home, then, shall we?"


End file.
